steps going upwards

Once An Addict, Always An Addict?

Anyone who has struggled with addiction or continues to struggle likely has heard the phrase, “once an addict, always an addict.” You may have a love and hate relationship with that saying. Many see it as a label of hopelessness, sort of a lifelong branding while others may look at it as just a warning…a reminder of seriously continuing to …

Women’s Wisdom: How to Ask for Help

To define what I mean when I say “women’s wisdom,” I would have to say this: there’s a sort of sixth sense women have about their own lives — an internal truth that you can hear when you pay attention. The problem is that many of us have trouble accessing this wisdom, because we get tangled up in all the …

Making Deposits for Your Relationship’s Health

While recently in session with a client, he told me how uncomfortable he was watching nudity or sexual scenes on television with his wife. Prior to getting caught and forced to deal with his out of control sexual behavior, he and his wife would enjoy their favorite show, The Sopranos. Many scenes in the show were shot in a strip …

Objectification Hurts Everyone

I ran across an article at Psychology Today, which spoke about the sexualization of women and girls, and how damaging it is not only to women, but also to men and boys. I was glad to see this article referencing some scientific studies that were conducted, because frankly, this is an issue, which needs more serious attention than it’s currently …

George Collins and Mt. Diablo

I live in beautiful Walnut Creek, California. The town is in a little valley about 25 miles east of San Francisco. There is a lovely mountain just east of us called Mt. Diablo. Historically, it’s place of wonder and magic to Native Americans. Has been for centuries. Years ago, during my marathon/triathlon days, I used to train on its many …

woman walking on a ridge

Boundaries after addiction: building back trust.

Rebuilding your relationships may be one of the most difficult parts of addiction recovery. Sex addiction and porn addiction are uniquely able to damage trust in your closest relationships, particularly with your romantic partner or spouse. But while it can be a challenging journey, it is possible for trust to be rebuilt after addiction if both partners are committed to …

man going up escalator signifying overcoming porn addiction

Can’t Escape Your Porn Addiction? 5 Ways to Break Out of the Rut.

It’s easy to feel trapped when you’re addicted to porn. A few hours or days of freedom ends with falling back into old habits, often leading to feelings of shame and self-loathing. But you don’t have to feel trapped forever. There is always, always hope to break free from addiction. Here are just five ways to get started: 1. Get …

a globe in a white room

How Countries around the World are Reacting to American Porn

American porn is becoming a more and more dangerous thing every day. We have a nation full of men (and increasingly, women) who are desperate for constant novelty, leading them further and further down the seemingly endless hardcore porn rabbit hole into darker and more fringe territory. And the rest of the world doesn’t necessarily have the same relationship to …

Setting Up A Dialogue Practice

In my practice, if I received a dollar for each time I heard from my clients, “I was too busy to write this week,” I would be a wealthy man. Like many things that are actually good for us, journaling or dialoguing often get put aside or buried by the busyness of life. Somehow putting a high priority on writing …

two married people's hands with wedding rings overcoming porn addiction in their marriage

Your marriage still matters.

Being married to a porn or sex addict is at once infuriating and devastating. No matter which side of the marriage you’re on, this is a profoundly hard time. If you are in addiction recovery and it’s your goal to redeem your marriage, there is a lot of hard work ahead of you. But don’t be afraid. Other couples, far …

people on an amusement park ride

Dopamine and Your Porn Addiction

There’s a lot of talk about how the dopamine receptors in your brain influence addictive behavior. Does dopamine feed addiction? What role does dopamine play when it comes to your brain and pornography? Here’s what you need to know: 1. Dopamine itself is not actually addictive. Contrary to popular belief, dopamine is not actually addictive in and of itself. “When …

Overcoming Sex Addiction

“Thirty years ago I staggered into a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meeting in Walnut Creek, California. I had my choice of Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), or SLAA. I chose SLAA because it was local and there were women in attendance. (I wanted to see how my behavior impacted women). I found the “S” groups really …

Surviving an Affair

Being caught in having an affair or admitting to an infidelity blows the door right off the vehicle that is your relationship. Intense feelings of anger, fear, resentment and sadness to name a few come to the forefront like a flood. If you have gone through this or are currently going through this turmoil in your relationship then you are …

Does Admitting My Sex Addiction Make Me a Loser?

Not too long ago, I was asked the following question by one of the men I work with: “Do I have to always remind myself that I’m a loser because of my addiction?” I admit, I was taken aback by this question. So much so that I feel it’s important to address it to a wider audience. If you’ve been …

Alone vs. Lonely

When working with my male clients who struggle with compulsive sexual behavior, one of the common denominators in the reasons they act out is being alone. Particularly if the behavior is pornography addiction where privacy represents one of the conditions for being able to peruse porn in the first place.

field split down the middle

Bad porn or “ethical” porn: is there a difference?

Is there such a thing as “good porn” and “bad porn?” And are you asking from a truly ethical standpoint, or just as an excuse to wack it with less guilt? So is “good porn” a thing? Here are some thoughts to consider. “Good porn” is a tall order that may be hard to fill. For the purpose of this …

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Is it bad to watch porn?

Is it bad to watch porn? If you’re asking, I have a sneaking suspicion that you already know the answer. At the very least, many studies agree that regular exposure to porn negatively affects the sexual satisfaction between partners. But why is it bad to watch porn? Porn is everywhere. It seems like everyone is doing it. It’s almost impossible …

over the phone sex addiction treatment

Discreet Ways to Get Sex Addiction Treatment

If you are considering seeking sex addiction treatment, you may feel held back by feelings of embarrassment or shame. You want help, but you don’t want anyone to know that you need help. These feelings are common. Sex addiction counselors and therapists understand the sensitive nature of these struggles, and make your confidentiality their highest priority. Here are some ways …