We Need to Talk About Your Ego Situation

When speaking casually, the term “ego” gets thrown around mostly in a negative way. “Wow, the ego on that guy,” or “His ego will never let him admit failure,” etc. While these statements might technically be using the term ego correctly, it does tend to conflate the ego with self-aggrandizing or pomposity. That’s not all it is. The ego is …

Sex Addiction: Let’s Break the Stigma

When you break your arm, you go to the hospital and get it treated. There is no shame or hesitation involved. You experience the injury/pain and go to get it treated accordingly; no one blinks an eye. When it comes to psychological disorders, however, the story is entirely different. When you have depression, anxiety, sex addiction, or any other psychological …

What “Leaving Neverland” Teaches Us About the Importance of Therapy

If you’ve turned on the news recently, or even checked out any social media or gossip websites, you’ve likely seen dozens of reactions – some good, some bad – to the shocking HBO documentary Leaving Neverland. In this series, two men, Wade Robson and James Safechuck recount their alleged victimization by popstar Michael Jackson back when these men were just …

Compulsive Behavior in Women: How You Might be Impeding Your Own Progress

You’re probably not going to like what I have to tell you, but I’m asking that you hear it nonetheless. So, here it is: Even though you are in therapy to help cope with the sex addiction of your partner, you may have developed compulsive behaviors of your own, and those behaviors may be holding you back from making meaningful …

What Are the Factors Leading to a Sex Addiction?

Obviously, sex addiction isn’t something you’re born with. Rather, it’s a condition which develops over time. Most people can go about their lives, form relationships, have sex, even look at porn occasionally, and not necessarily become addicted. Remember, when we say addicted, we mean that the compulsion to act out sexually has literally ruined a person’s life. Maybe they’ve lost …

A Walk in the Shoes of Someone With a Sex Addiction

Hollywood and the media have given us a certain idea of what a sex addict and sexual compulsions looks like. Maybe they’re multimillionaire actors and actresses constantly taking home other multimillionaire actors and actresses. Perhaps sex addiction even seems a little fun. Why not surround yourself with rich beautiful people all the time? Then, all they have to do is …

Relationship Differences—How Much Is Too Much?

Common beliefs may tell you that it is essential to have the same interests and styles to co-exist happily. Some 64% of married Americans believe that “having shared interests” is very important for a successful marriage, according to the Pew Research Center. In fact, those surveyed ranked shared interests as more essential than good sex or shared political beliefs. Conventional …

Addict is Fake News

Fake news—or a hoax—is making, well, news, a lot these days and has become a buzzword representing misrepresentation and falsehoods. Fake news is written and published with the intent to mislead in order to gain financially or politically, often with sensationalist, exaggerated, or patently false headlines that grab attention.   If you are someone who struggles with compulsive sexual behavior, …

Women’s Wisdom – Make Your Holidays Manageable

If I were to ask you the question: “Are you taking care of yourself during the holidays?” I’m sure I’d get a mixed bag of responses. During this time of year, we are all very busy, stressed, and pressed for time. It seems like self-care is the last thing on many women’s lists. Today, I want my message to be: …

Let’s Talk About Money

The holidays often bring up a lot of stressors for couples. One of the most common challenges couples face during the holiday season comes down to dollars and cents, particularly so when your financial viewpoint differs from your partner. Thinking about money or your finances during the holidays with gift buying, entertaining, and travel, can be stressful. Too often couples …

What the Holidays Made Me Do: An Addict’s Guide to Navigating December

Every year around the holidays, people who are stressed, upset, lonely, angry, and afraid call Neulia Compulsion Solutions. Holidays bring cheer to many, but for those with addictions, it can bring tremendous suffering. When it seems like the whole world is coming together to celebrate, it’s very easy for an addict to feel like they are missing out. It’s a …

Porn is Being Advertised to You (and Your Kids) All the Time

When I work with those who have sex and porn addictions, one of the biggest challenges they face is the fact that porn is being advertised constantly. I don’t just mean the crazy emails that end up in your spam folder, or sidebar ads on websites. I mean it’s showing up in video games, in public, and even through clothing …

Filling the Gaps in Porn and Sex Addiction Treatment

I want to start off by saying that in battling my own porn addiction, I was profoundly helped by both traditional talk therapy and a 12-step program. I learned a lot from each, and I often hear from others who have been greatly helped by these approaches as well. However, for me, there were unfilled gaps in my recovery. I …

Communication and Active Listening

Communication problems: By far, the number one reason couple’s come to therapy. When you think of it, it’s the number one problem in most relationship issues—family, friends, and work to name a few. Communication issues are far-reaching and impact each and every one of our relationships, particularly intimate and committed ones. The topics of the difficulty vary. Perhaps you have …

Why Specialized Addiction Therapy is Necessary

Men, women, and mental health professionals who have come to a crossroads regarding porn and/or sex addiction often contact me. Despite diligently applying themselves to weekly talk sessions or couples therapy, a sex or porn addict will not progress until the root cause of their addiction is addressed. Without the right treatment, the addict will stall out indefinitely, which is …

Women’s Wisdom: Resentment Is Part Of The Healing Process, But Only Part

Resentment is often regarded as a negative emotion to be avoided, much like jealousy. However, for partners of sex addicts, resentment is a huge part of what you are feeling. There is honesty in resentment. The feeling is very real and something to be faced head on in order to progress. Think of it this way: you connected with a …

Are You In A Codependent Relationship?

Codependency sounds like a dirty word. We know it sounds bad, must be bad, but what is it really? How can you tell if you are indeed in a codependent relationship? Many people find themselves repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns despite knowing better. Do you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner’s happiness, putting your own life …

No, You Can’t “Just Watch Soft-Core” If You’re a Porn Addict

Since I’ve been asked this question on more than one occasion, I figure it’s time to address it out in the open: “Can’t I just watch ‘lighter material’ and still be okay?” My answer, and honestly the answer of anyone who does sex counseling, is a firm NO! Much like it would not be acceptable for an alcoholic to “just …