What if I Can’t Find My Own Story?

Recovery is a process, not a singular event. In these blog posts we’ve been writing about how your mind, and your inner addict might do everything it can to keep you in your current state of acting out compulsively, and refusing to change. That’s because change is scary. It’s venturing into the unknown. Even if your current situation is miserable, …

Rewriting Your Personal Story

We’ve written about the importance of really sitting down and taking the time to have an actual dialog with your addict. We really want to make sure you’re dialoging with your addict, because it’s such a powerful and important step in getting you into the right mindset. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing, and if you let it tell …

What Is Euphoric Recall?

Your mind can be a powerful and sometimes destructive force. It can lie, it can rationalize bad behavior, and often for those of us living with addictions, it can continually chase a past experience it considers to be “perfect.” We call this phenomenon “euphoric recall.” A lot of men in recovery are familiar with the concept, even if they haven’t …

Shame and What It Can Teach You

Many addicts, no matter their struggles, are already very familiar with feelings of shame. Shame often goes hand in hand with addiction, and the steps taken to hide it. Shame is a negative feeling and it can often keep us in the same behavioral cycle. You feel stressed, you act out sexually, you feel shame, shame makes you feel stressed, …

What If My Addict Is Tougher Than I Thought?

In a previous blog, we wrote about the importance of finding your own story, and getting to the roots of your behavior, to address it once and for all. You will be facing down your addict self, and making him spill his story to you, just as though you were interrogating a criminal. The question many people have after they …

Lies: The Power of Stories

Let face it, the addict self lies to you. In an earlier blog, we shared George’s story about the blonde in the BMW. If you haven’t read it yet, check it out. Blonde in Beemer post, George was following a Beemer and had constructed an elaborate fantasy around it. The truth didn’t matter, the fact that he was driving didn’t …

How To Have A Dialogue With Your Addict Self

What might it feel like when you actually begin having a real dialogue with your addict self? One of our favorite examples is from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey.  In that movie, a computer named HAL, begins trying to take over control of the ship. Dave, the astronaut aboard the ship has tried everything he can to stop HAL, …

Become Your Own Investigator

You may not realize it yet, but you have an internal story you have been telling yourself. There is a script running in your head that is constantly trying to justify or excuse your compulsive behavior. When people in the media try to change the angle of a story, or cover up the real implications of what’s going on, they …

What Brought You Here?

Before any recovery can begin, you must first ask yourself this hard question: “What brought me here?” Like many other men, you are seeking out help and support right now because you understand that you need it. However you got to this point, you’ve had a realization that made you want to make a change in your life. You want …

Talking To Yourself Is Totally Sane

Naming your addict is important in helping you firmly establish that your addict self and your adult self are two different people.  For more info on that check out our previous blog: Name Your Addict. Beginning to differentiate your true self from your addict voice leads directly into the second step towards your recovery. You have to begin a conversation …

Naming Your Addict

One of the most important realizations you can come to on your journey towards recovery is that your addict is not you. That might be a hard concept for some to grasp, but when you break it down logically, it makes sense. It’s not that you want to constantly look at porn to the detriment of everything else – it’s …

Recovery Multiplier

The military has a term called “Force Multiplier” which, according to the Department of Defense, is defined as “A capability that, when added to and employed by a combat force, significantly increases the combat potential of that force and thus enhances the probability of a successful mission accomplishment.”  At Neulia and Compulsion Solutions, we’ve adapted that concept to help you …

3 Steps to Help Purge the Urge

When a Dance is More than a Dance If you’ve been going through our video course, you already know that mind doesn’t like to change. Even though I’ve been a sexual addiction counselor for 20 years helping guys like you break free of their sexual compulsive behaviors, I’m still a man and I still get occasional urges that could lead …

The Girl in the Red Dress

(or Catching Your Addiction Before It Bites You in the Ass) I’ve had a lot of clients ask me, “How do you catch your addiction when it comes up?  Then what do you do about it?” Because dialoguing is a key component of the Neulia program, I’m also often asked questions such as: “How do you teach yourself to dialogue?  …

How to Know if You’re a Sex or Porn Addict

One of the hardest things to do is realize that you may be a porn addict. Unlike alcoholism or drug abuse, porn doesn’t come with blatant physical consequences, and isn’t usually dangerous for other people. For many people, therefore, porn addiction feels like something physiologists have made up. The problem is, it isn’t made up, and does have some serious …

Dealing with Sex Addiction

Dealing with sex addiction is very difficult. Over the last 200 years sex has become a public taboo, an unspeakable subject. So how can someone who is addicted to sex overcome that stigma to get the help they need? In this article we’ll talk about how to know if you’re a sex addict, and how you can go about getting …

Helping a Spouse Who Suffers from Porn Addiction

Porn addiction can cause major problems in your spouse’s life. These problems can range from problems focusing on real world events, to failure to perform in the bedroom. Are there other signs? And if you do think your spouse is suffering from porn addiction, what can you do to help? In this article we’ll take a look at those signs …

3 Signs Your Spouse Suffers From Sex Addiction

If you think about it there is a lot that can go wrong in a marriage. Divorce rates are at the highest point they’ve ever been. Something that people don’t often realize is that sex addiction can cause marital distress, and eventually divorce, if it isn’t treated. Here are three ways to find out if your spouse is addicted to …

Can “Looking” be a Symptom of Sex Addiction?

Can “looking” or ogling be a symptom of your sex addiction? Does looking trigger you into deep fantasy leading to compulsive sexual thoughts that won’t stop until you act out? Often times “ogling” is a step in the wrong direction for sex addicts leading to other unhealthy sexual behavior. It hurts spouses too – the web is chock full of …