What is a sex addict? Well, it’s complicated. Generally, a sex addict is defined as someone who cannot control their compulsive sexual behavior, to a degree that it interferes with their everyday life and relationships. But perhaps it would be better to define what a sex addict is not.
3 Things a Sex Addict is Not
1. A sex addict is not just a person who really, really enjoys sex.
You can be absolutely crazy about sex and not be a sex addict. You can have a very high sex drive and not be a sex addict. As any addict can tell you, the addiction is not about appreciating the thing you are addicted to. (Few alcoholics are exclusively pounding 20 year old scotch.) Addiction is about behavior that is compulsive and very difficult to control.
2. A sex addict is not a person with fringe sexual interests.
Having fringe sexual interests or unusual fetishes does not make you a sex addict. Preferences that aren’t necessarily mainstream do not an addict make. Important caveat: this does not include paraphilic disorders. “A paraphilic disorder involves sexual arousal caused by stimuli that most people do not find acceptable, for example pedophilia. It involves distress and dysfunction.” –Medical News Today
3. A sex addict is not a person who has a lot of sex.
Having an active sex life does not make you a sex addict. If two loving partners are offering mutually enthusiastic consent, an active and frequent sex life is healthy for you both. Having and wanting a lot of sex is not addiction. Sex addiction is something else entirely.
So what is a sex addict?
“Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results. For some sex addicts, behavior does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone/computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation, or rape.” -Michael Herkov, Ph.D.
The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others.” A sex addict will continue to compulsively engage in certain sexual behaviors despite the risk of broken relationships, potential health problems, and even arrest.
Note from George:
A sex addict is angry, ashamed, and afraid because he generally KNOWS that he’s missing out on something….even though he can feel euphoric in the moment of acting out sexually.
Practically speaking, a sex addict is usually a guy who is underachieving and underearning…even though their money can look good on paper. Sex addiction distracts in a BAD way. The guys I see, almost to a man, make more money and feel better after they change their minds and understand the beauty and richness of true intimacy.
How do I know this? I lived the life and lost two fine wives over it. I underachieved and under earned. I was afraid and angry and ashamed. BUT, I found a way out. Use the tools of my book, “Breaking the Cycle,” work the Workbook, and call us for individual help if you need to be accountable. It DOES work…..if you work it.
Yeah, I know what sex addiction is, and I’m glad I’m done. YOU……use the tools that I’ve laid out and in my book and workbook and get done too. How GOOD can YOU stand it?
Don’t try to overcome sex addiction alone. There is help, and there is hope. Really. Contact our team today to take the first step.